Some Things I Don't Like
(Don Chance)

OK, this is just a list of little pet peeves.  I think most people would agree with me on a lot of them.  Unfortunately, most people would not see themselves here.  (Yes, I know, I'm probably one of them.)

• Pepsi. I used to consider it an acceptable substitute for Coca-Cola. Now I would choose dirty water before Pepsi.  And what's with the Europeans who, when you ask for a Coke, just hand you a Pepsi.  Don't they know the difference?  I guess not, but then, they don't know what ice is either.
• People who bring children, especially babies to movies.  I am not talking about taking your kids to children's movies.  I am talking about people who are too cheap to pay a baby sitter so they think everyone else, who paid the exorbitant price of $7.50 to see the flick, will be humored by their little misbehaving rug rats.  The other night we went to see a movie and were entertained on our left by a crying baby and on our right by a rambunctious kid stomping up and down his row and the main aisle.  Theaters should have a policy of forbidding children in movies after a 7 pm.  Alternatively, anyone should be able to ask for a refund from the manager.  Of course, the manager would say that we should tell management when it's happening, but that means getting up and missing at least 10 minutes of the movie.  And while we're on the subject of movies, what about people who talk on the cell phone in movies?
• Professional basketball.  Corrupt and unexciting competition between overgrown children with massive egos.
• Coffee. Drinking this dirty hot water does nothing but give you bad breath.
• People who carry too much stuff onto planes, who are cousins of those who refuse to store anything under the seat in front of them. Related to these are business people  who somehow think they have a right to do these things but others don't.
• People who use computer jargon and assume you know what they mean. Need I say more.
• Telemarketers. Fortunately the no-call list has put a lot of these people out of work but if you already have an account with a bank, you're still a candidate for telemarketing.  If this is the best job a person can find, I'd rather have my tax dollars paying for a welfare check. At least they wouldn't waste so much of my time.  Be forewarned, telemarketer:  If you call me, I will wait until I hear your voice and then hang up.
• Students who say "I missed class. Did I miss anything important?"  If you have to ask, you have no business being in school.
• People who don't say "Thank you" when you do something special for them.  I think the practice of saying "thank you" has, like the practice of admitting it was your mistake, become the dinosaur of the 21st century, a lost species.
• And, it goes without saying, people who do spam email, spyware, and computer viruses.  Those who send either should be sentenced to life in prison in solitary confinement.  I am seriously not kidding.  Penalties for internet crime are far too light, in view of the millions of dollars of destruction and lost productivity they inflict.  If anyone stole that much money directly, they'd be facing life in prison.
• Friends who drop out of sight and contact you only when they need something.  Why do I have so many of these?  That having been said, I would never turn my back on one of them, and they are always welcome.
• People who constantly use cell phones.  I am convinced these people save their most meaningless, trivial banter until they can get in a car to try to look important with one hand on the wheel and one on the phone.  How many of these calls are necessary or at least could have been made before starting the car?  A car is as dangerous a weapon as a gun.  And I'm convinced cell phones have contributed to the lost art of turn signal usage.  And hear me on this:  YOU DO NOT LOOK IMPORTANT WHEN YOU ARE DOING THIS.  ALL YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE IS SOMEONE STUCK IN THE 80'S.  That kind of behavior, big hair and poofy bangs all went out around the same time when it was determined that you did not have to be rich to own a cell phone.  I have a rule.  As a driver, I will not extend you any courtesy, such as letting you turn in front of me, if you're on the cell phone.  Yes, I know that some cell phone calls while driving are necessary, but most are not.  Having said all of that, I nonetheless love to listen to people talk on cell phones at airports.  They try to talk as loud as possible so everyone around them can hear and try to make you think they are most the important person in the world.  If you listen carefully, you can easily pick up their vanity, insecurity, and the less-than-impressive work they do.  It's very entertaining.  So, ok, I guess I really don't dislike people who constantly use cell phones.  We all need idiots to laugh at.
• People who do not respond to email.  How long does one have to wait before feeling like you're making a pest of yourself by asking the person a question for a second time?  Or why is it that you can email someone and they either do not reply or they give you a very short reply in relation to the length of your email.  You went to the trouble of emailing them about a number of things and they just address a few of your points.  If it's that important, you have to make a pest of yourself again.  (BTW:  I think this would probably also apply to phone messages.  Frankly, I do not leave phone messages often and almost never leave one one at a personal residence, where a teenager is bound to listen to the message first and forget to tell the person about it.)
• People who complain about Wal-Mart, especially those who try to prevent it from moving into their area.  These people are typically those who don't need the jobs themselves and can afford to shop elsewhere.  How dare them impose their notion of how things ought to be on those who need the jobs and the money they'd save shopping there.  Frankly, my only complaint about Wal-Mart is that its success brings the curse that it's so crowded, I don't want to shop there.  Like Yogi Berra allegedly said about a particular restaurant, "It's so crowded, nobody goes there."

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Last updated:  May 27, 2012